Greater Satellites

The new map pack for Call of Duty 4 were my first foray into the DLC add-on craze that’s swept users of XBox 360 and PS3. I specify add-on because I have downloaded many other cool things, but this will be the supplement to a game I’ve physically purchased.

What can I say? I’m a Call of Duty fan. I’ve played every game in the series and, with the exception of the lackluster third installment, I’ve loved every one. I have to admit i was a little wary of the online multiplayer in the beginning, only having tried it after completing the solo campaign. It was a little frustrating at first, but definitely got better as the level ups unfolded and I found the technique that works best for me (GSC36 + grenade launcher attachment, Desert Eagle, Martyrdom, and Sonic Boom if you must know).

So I continued playing and playing, I leveled up as far as one could go then decided to take the plunge and Prestige which, for those of you who aren’t familiar, is sacrificing all of your rank, unlocked weapons, and accomplishment to start over and get a higher ranking medal when you become Commander (Lvl 55) again. It sounds a little silly, but I’ve seen some people with badges that are from a 4th of 5th Prestige, which is roughly 220 level ups. Yikes.

The thing about playing multiplayer games this long, though, is that you get to know, well, everything. You know the best sniper spots, the most likely places your enemies will come from, how long to cook grenades for a good explosion, and finally — every single corner of the map. I’ve heard people begging for new maps for about a month and Thursday’s release has seemed to satisfy. I took a little time over this (Double XP) weekend to play the maps to the fullest of my ability and I have to say that these maps definitely satisfy.

Creek could be my new favorite board. “Why?” you may ask and my answer is simple: “Because I love destroying snipers.” This board is like a haven for snipers. Long, open expanses and plenty of cover for these guys to just go prone and look for movement. This allow me the chance to either sneak thru the cave or come up along the ridge and knife ‘em in their stupid back.

Broadcast is another good one which takes cues from an actual level in the game. It’s a great mixture of open hallways and wide openness depending on whether you want to do battle inside or out.

Chinatown is a hectic, claustrophobic pseudo-remake of a level from Call of Duty 2 and it’s incredibly fun to play. There is so much interconnectedness and so many ways to the same place that it’s almost impossible not to find immediate action. There are also a lot of little places to duck into the shadows and just take people out, so it’s a great amount of fun.

Killhouse, as fun as it sounded, never came up in any of the online multiplayer modes so I took matters into my own hands and started a private game to explore it myself. It’s small. I’m talking tiny. You could run from one end to the other in 10 seconds, but that’s what will make it a great level. I’m thinking it’ll be for the smaller team games or, most probably, one-on-ones (which I rarely ever do).

After the dust was settling last night from a weekend of gaming the new map packs, I can say with surety that Infinity Ward has hit the jackpot with this game. If they make regular map packs and keep the prices reasonable, I’m sure they’ll have tons of people paying for all new experiences in a familiar setting.

I believe that it’s written somewhere in the Bible that when we see something that is wrong or evil, it is our duty to be angered and speak out against it. This is what’s known as Righteous Indignation. I believe Righteous Indignation is also a rock and/or roll band from England, but for the purposes of the following let’s regard the former as truth and the latter as bullshit.

Fact: Andrew Gormley is a huge nerd.
Fact: Andrew Gormley plays video games as a leisure activity.
Fact: Andrew Gormley has an eye for film, an ear for stories, and a heart that’s pure and true.

Now that the facts are established, allow me preface by expressing my deep affinity for video games. I’ve had almost every mainstream console there was to have since Atari, with the exception of Xbox. Currently hooked up to my TV is a PS2, a Gamecube, and an SNES cleverly tucked out of sight. I play video games with substance (read: RPGs, action, adventure) and appreciate a good story just as much as the next guy. Just like with many movies, some video games try to cover up their plot hole-ridden scripts with fancy graphics and insane amounts of eye candy. Fortunately, as with movies, it’s easy to spot a game that’s sub-par and avoid it. Here are some examples of games that have excellent story lines: Final Fantasy (series), Resident Evil (series), Silent Hill (series), Max Payne*, Metal Gear Solid* (series), Bloodrayne, Doom (series… ok, not really a great story, but fun as hell), Alone In The Dark (series), and Mario (series). A lot of you who don’t share my proclivity towards video games may recognize some of those titles instantly because they all share one thing in common: Some asshole writer/director couldn’t come up with a story of his own so he decided to rape and pillage the oft-immensely entertaining stories of these select games and make movie adaptations which receive ratings ranging from “horrible” to “almost watchable”. I think I’ve successfully set the mood of the piece as well as established my thesis (take that Mr. Oliver! You English teaching, B- giving bitchbastard!).

Due to some erratic and volatile mixture of boredom, exhaustion, and sheer lassitude last night, I ended up watching the movie Doom for the first and definitely last time. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud during some parts, which in and of itself is funny because the mood the director was trying to establish was, most likely, deadpan. I’ve played many flavors of the Doom games and believe me, there are many of them. All of the titles had stories that, while not being exactly plausible due to the futuristic nature, were entertaining and moved the story along at a reasonably fast pace. With the exception of one scene in this movie (which, ironically, was the scene that paid homage to the game via a first person perspective) it was a total disaster. First, the “creatures” looked to be lifted from every other alien movie ever made. Namely, Alien. Second, those infected with the “alien virus” turned into… What’s the word I’m grasping for? Ah yes, ZOMBIES. There were no zombies in the Doom games. Every game took place on Mars or one of its moons (Phobos and Deimos, thank ya muchly). Why would one feel the need to write zombies AND aliens into a movie? The two ideas individually don’t make any fucking sense, combining them just makes it more absurd. While they’re at it, they should just make a movie about Alien Vs. Predator… wait a God damn minute…

My third and final gripe is actually applicable to all movie adaptations of video games, and that is: You can’t expect, regardless of how well you write, direct, or act, to illicit the same responses you get playing video games from watching a movie. Final Fantasy games, for instance, can take anywhere from 40 to 100 hours to complete. The Resident Evil series averages anywhere from 4 to 12 hours depending on the difficulty and the skill level of the player. The same 4 to 12 timeframe goes for the Silent Hill games as well. My point is that you can’t expect to chop hours and hours of story, keep the best parts, add and subtract characters/plot elements as you see fit, and repackage it as something that will be incredible because the truth is that it’s merely a hollow shell of what it once was. Not only are you losing the control element that you possess when playing the games, you’re losing a majority of the story and all of the things that made it such a great experience in the first place. It’s easy to be inspired by what you see in games, but it’s a whole different story trying to interpret and adapt the game to a nice, neat, two hour time frame so the studios and audiences are kept happy.

That’s the end of the well-formed rant, but I had some other things to say that were more of random musings and can’t really be extrapolated to more than a few sentences:

• Not all video game movies are horrible. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children was a fantastic video game movie done entirely in CGI. The catch is that it would only make sense to those who actually played and understood the intricacies of the original, Final Fantasy VII.
• I admire Paul W. S. Anderson (writer/director of the Resident Evil movies, as well as Mortal Kombat) because he actually plays the games and has a pretty decent knowledge of the backstories, which is more than can be said about some of these other clowns. However, I still stand behind my position that he raped the Resident Evil series and took bits and pieces that he liked and threw away the rest. Oh yeah, the main character of the movies, Alice, (coincidentally played by his hot fiance) has never appeared in nor was mentioned in ANY of the Resident Evil games.
• Silent Hill wasn’t a bad movie. It just wasn’t as good as the games.
• Super Mario Brothers was, without a doubt, THE WORST VIDEO GAME MOVIE EVER MADE. There’s no debating this, it’s actually carved on the back of the second tablet containing the latter five commandments.

That’s about everything. I’m hoping the next Resident Evil movie will be better and God help them if they fuck up the Max Payne series, those games are the shit.

* - These movies are currently in production. I have no bias against them because I know nothing about them… yet.

The game won’t be out for another two weeks or so, but I got my hands on a copy of it for reviewing purposes and very recently beat it. I thought I would share my FFF (that’s Final Fantasy Findings) with the few people who read this bloggy.

Before I continue, though, let me say a word about how I review. I dislike five star ratings. I’ve always felt 5 star ratings simply allow for too much indecision. How easy is it to rate something a 3 out of 5? With only 4 stars there is no middle ground. Mathematically, yes 2/4 is obviously 50%, but the point of rating anything is (or at least should be) to show off the gems and get rid of the crap. What is the point of telling somebody that it was neither good nor bad, it just existed? Remember this when people tell you 3/5 stars. Ask them to rate it out of 4 and see which way it tilts. And now:

Andrew Gormley Presents
an Andrew Gormley Review of
FINAL FANTASY XII

Presentation: 4/4 Very slick menu system. Everything has a level of polish that’s unexpected and pleasantly surprising. The new Ivalice they’ve constructed is a total homage to the classic one from FFT. And if you remember a bit of specifics from FFT (ie: armors and weapons), then you’re in for a surprise when you come across shields like the Buckler, swords like Save The Queen, katanas called Muramasa, and (if you were really good) armor by the name of Genji.

Graphics: 3/4 I think the graphics are definitely on par with FFX. This is evident in many of the great cutscenes that come later in the game. I believe the reason why the graphics don’t appear great at first glance is because they use an abundance of washed-out looking colors to really set a particular mood. Also the first FF in 16:9, it looks fucking awesome. No progressive scan, though (one step at a time, I guess).

Sound: 4/4 Aside from being in Pro Logic II, the sound effects are top notch and the music is really really really really fucking good. Some parts of the game I just stopped playing to listen to the soundtrack. It’s very impressive.

Gameplay: 4/4 This is a no brainer… for the most part. The new battle system is awesome, and you can choose between whether you want to be in active mode or wait mode all the time, on the fly. The gambit system was also a whole lot deeper than any review I’ve read on the interwebs. One cool and often overlooked feature is: it’s fuckin hard. I actually died a couple times. That’s what I get for being an overzealous FF player, I reckon. You really need to think on your toes in this game, the challenge and frustration actually ADD to the fun.

Replay Value: 3/4 It took me 70 hours to beat it with minimal leveling up (I finished the game on roughly level 48), minimal side questing, and no letting the game sit idle (pause actually stops the in-game counter). I checked a few guides online after I beat it and I found that I missed all of the side bosses but one, I only found 5 out of 13 Espers (summons), and missed what they described as “final weapons”. Didn’t read into it to see if they were talking about Weapons (Ruby, Emerald) or actual weapons. Overall, I’d say that there’s 100 good hours of play time, which is downright badass. I started over right after I beat it and I’m enjoying it just as much.

Overall: 5/4 This game broke the rating scale in terms of coolness, gameplay, and original soundtrack. It would be easier to compare it to FFXI rather than FFX, simply because of the active battle parallels and old-tyme setting (Knights and Lancers, bitoch!). As a whole experience, I can say this (personal opinion) with confidence: FFXII is definitely better than FFVIII, FFIX, just as good as (if not a pinch better than) FFX. Hard to say how it compares to the crowning achievement of Square(Enix)soft: FFVII. Let’s wait until I get through this one a second time and I’ll let you know.

Well I’ll be damned. I just saw an ad by the CDC (Center for Disease Control) that begs gamers to “Give your thumbs a rest. Play for real.”

It’s uproarious as the ad (at right), clearly intended to be a game screenshot, portrays the CDC’s interpretation of what “gamers” look and act like. The players are so fat they’re busting at the seams. Their clothes are ratty and stained, and they’re laying all over the place just in a daze of sorts. Oh yeah, the one in the back right is taking a piss on the wall.

Now I’m not going to deny that sometimes back in the day, on summer break, I would sit inside for hours/days/weeks playing the newest RPG or blowing the shit out of something in a FPS, but that shouldn’t suggest that I don’t get up from my cozy futon to get exercise, shower, and change my clothes. I also do not urinate anywhere in the vicinity of where I play games, for the record.

I know the gaming community has caught a bad rap recently for dumb shit like the San Andreas “Hot Coffee” mod or news reports showing that games are like drugs, but we’re not all “addicts” and, in most cases do not “forget about friends, ignore their schoolwork, and become impulsive and hot tempered.”

Yes, I play games. Yes, I exercise. Yes, my GPA is a 3.5. Yes, I have a social life. How do I fit into your demographic, CDC? How do I fit into this:

Results indicated that while television use was not related to children’s weight status, video game use was. Children with higher weight status played moderate amounts of electronic games, while children with lower weight status played either very little or a lot of electronic games.

You want your kids to get exercise? Buy them Dance, Dance Revolution and let them get funky. Not only will they stay in shape, but they’ll be great dancers later on in life.

“That’s my 10 cents, my 2 cents is free.”