Greater Satellites

My wake up schedule is something like this:

1. I have Alarm Clock (http://www.robbiehanson.com/alarmclock/) running on my iMac at all times so I can easily set up
   alerts and, of course, alarms.
2. At precisely 8:40 AM, my Alarm Goes off and plays my iPhone Playlist, which currently has around 900 songs from every frickin genre known to man.
3. I usually snooze in 10 minute intervals until 9:20, unless a song comes on that I particularly like and then I’ll lay there half awake, but still rockin out.

Today I heard a song that started off with some bells, drums, and a strumming guitar. It wasn’t the metal that makes me angry to wake up to, so I let it play out as I drifted in an out of slumber. Shortly thereafter I heard the line “Sodomy is such a part of you”, which violently woke me up.  How could something so blatantly homosexual be in my playlist? Using my hands to shield my back side, frightened and alone, I pulled the covers back up to my eyes.

I realized that the song was Disarm by the Smashing Pumpkins and when my mind actually kicked on, I recalled that the true lyrics are “Inside of me and such a part of you” (which still could also suggest sodomy, ironically). Regardless, the way he sings it REALLY sounds like sodomy.

I’ve removed that song from my wake up list and triumphantly yelled “No Homo!”.

~Fin~

So I was walking over to Wawa just moments ago when I smelled something… strange. It wasn’t unpleasant, I can tell you that much, but it was displaced. Here’s an illustration so you can gather a sense of scale:

On the way to Wawa I smelled it, but passed it off as weird and fleeting. On the way back from Wawa, however, I purposely made it a point to cross the street earlier to see if the smell remained… and it certainly did! By now I’m sure many of you are wondering what the smell could’ve been, and I say to you it was: ORIGINAL SCENT WINDEX!

It wasn’t just a whiff or a hint of Windex, it was as if I had a glass eye and someone was quite literally washing it with Windex whilst I strolled along. I stopped for a moment at the corner of Glendale and Erie to take it in and look for a possible source. I stood close to a parked car windshield, windows to nearby apartments, even the window to my neighborhood Spanish cellular telephone dealer. Nothing. It was as if the scent had a mind of its own and just decided to hang in the air there for a while. I must’ve looked a little crazy going around sniffing things, but then a woman of about 30 came walking down the street and I waited for her to pass “the zone”, as I dubbed it. I KNOW I saw her smelling something and then she turned to look at me and I just smiled and shrugged. For a moment I pondered hanging around a bit longer and waiting for other people to walk by, but figured that would officially deem me a lunatic. That’s the end of my crazy tale, you may go back about your day…