Greater Satellites

It seems to be an increasingly laughable trend in my life (and not just in regards to blogging): Whenever I resolve to do something, the exact opposite thing seems to happen. This isn’t out of lassitude or in spite of myself, I’ve narrowed the problem down to my thought process and how scattered it can be at times. My need to write about all sorts of things, big and small, often outweighs the fact that I had a single, initial point I wanted to get across from the get-go. Couple this with the fact that, after eight hours of working on web sites, I have no inclination at all to stare at my home computer screen and there’s the recipe for less Andrew online presence.

This kind of thinking spills over into my other walks of life as well. I get very excited when I think about taking up a new film project or site design, but I want to take it in so many directions that I inadvertently inspire a need to sit down and organize it all. When I think about what will actually have to go into any kind of medium-to-large-scale production, I immediately get sullen at the beginning steps which need to be taken, my least favorite part of any project: the planning stages.

So, this year, I’ve taken route of trying to make adjustments to the “core” of myself in the hopes that it will filter out to all of my other facets that I like to hold in high esteem. For instance, I’m resolving to work on my planning and organization. I know that this will require a calendar, so I’m hooking it up with iCal on my computer to get larger projects or goals organized into tasks that seem less daunting. I think this will help me out with things like design and film projects. I can block out days or hours for conceptualizing or getting together with a group of writers, take it one step at a time, then see it through to the end.

In the beginning and the end, it’s the little things. Adjust the little things and expect big change.

I’m making my triumphant return (for about the fifth time in two years), if only in a mediocre, bloggy kind of way. It dawned on me that I was beginning to let some meaningless things (like work, mostly) get in the way of pursuing what it is I would like to do. As a result I’m going to do some heavy-duty blogging on here and really working hard to get my site built using Wordpress as a CMS. It’s been something that, quite frankly, I’ve been adverse to doing because it’s a whole new learning experience for me, but I’m determined to get it done for myself and for everyone interested in reading what I have to say. I also thought it would be appropriate to keep my personal journal separate from the main Greater Satellites one if for no other reason than privacy.

Let’s recap since the last time I updated, which by my estimates was a brief, almost inner monologue-esque post about a month and a half ago:

Let’s start with the family. Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and a very pleasant one for the matriarch in our household. Denise and I made her dinner, bought her a nice flower arrangement, some chocolates, and two cards. Although I wasn’t there to see her face when she walked in the door (damn bowling league), secondhand accounts from Denise combined with mom’s big hug at the end of the day led me to believe that she was quite pleased. Outside of that, all family stuff is going swell.

I wish there was a synonym for the following combination of words: gorgeous, fun, inspiring, artistic, supportive, understanding, honest, and wonderful that also happened to rhyme with Jacqueline. She’s always on my mind, and not in that stalker-ish kind of way. She’s always the last person on my recent call/text list. She makes me feel better when I have a case of the Mondays. I would do anything for her, and I hope she knows it. In case you couldn’t tell I’m pretty much head over heels. Tomorrow will be our 6-month anniversary and I have something special in mind for her.

Work is going really well too. I know people don’t really celebrate month milestones at jobs, but I like to keep close tabs on where I’m spending my time and if it’s benefitting me in some long-term fashion. Cinco de Mayo was the 6 months at this job. In the past, me having a job for six months was like ice staying solid over 32 degrees (Fahrenheit, of course). In this instance, I believe I’ve found something really special and I’m glad to be a part of the team to which I currently belong. My coworkers are all cool, the bosses are great, and my pay rate is more than satisfactory. Now all I have to do is start stashing some loot and preparing for either A) a new car or B) an edifice I can call my own.

The next big thing is getting Greater Satellites launched. I’d like to start taking on some more freelance work, even if I have to hand some of it off to friends or co-workers. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great getting your check on the 1st and 15th, but it’s infinitely more rewarding to accomplish something on your own. That what I want to set out to do again.

That wasn’t really much of a recap of the past month or so… Before I wrap it up, here it is in a nutshell: Family is doing great (dad will be getting a pool installed by June… woot!), all time spent with or talking to Jackie has been fantastic, I need to reconnect with some friends I haven’t spoken with in a while, the new computer is still fucking awesome, I have a bed now for the first time in about a decade, and I think that whole “growing up” thing that I’ve heard so much about is starting to gently settle upon me. Things are really, really good.

Alternate Titles For This Post: “You Haven’t Updated Since November 7th”, “I’m Hungry”, and “Woo Bang”. I reserve the right to use those blog titles in the future.

I don’t know how many people who read this keep blogs or journals themselves, but I’m just a few entries shy of 300 posts. Not too shabby, although I can’t help but think that number should be quite a bit higher considering that this journal is now five years and 11 days old (wow). But if you break it down and play the numbers game that roughly averages out to an entry a week. There were a few months where I wrote nothing at all, so I guess my current game of catch up has leveled the proverbial playing field.

SO, some major developments in the Gormley world recently. Let’s start from where we left off, eh? Since the time I smelled Windex at Glendale and Erie I’ve secured my place in the working world once again, had a great weekend with a great lady, caught up with an old friend, and coerced said femme into a mutual, exclusive relationship. I gotta say, I’m feeling pretty good about the way things have been going recently. The job is pretty self explanatory. I discussed payment and responsibiities last week and came to a happy medium. I actually start later today (it’s close to 3am as of this sentence). I’m still searching for something better (see: more pertinent), but to pay the bills and get caught up, not to mention finally have a little extra spending money, is going to be nice. Now to the meaty parts…

On Friday Jackie and I went out to Paddy Whacks for some drinking and brief stints of in-your-chair dancing. We talked about everything and anything, joking around and cracking up when we noticed how white girls always grind up on each other while dancing. I got a little loaded, I’ll admit, and it was nice of her to be the designated driver for the evening. Afterwards we came to my humble abode (her first time here, as a matter o’ fact) and watched… wait for it… wait for it… Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead. That’s right, I’m an awesome host.

On Saturday during daylight hours I did very little other than clean up, do some laundry, shower, eat (I think), and get a bit of writing done. That night I agreed to accompany Jackie to Top Dog over in Jersey for some drinking and dance (although I didn’t) along with her friends Sylvia and Paul. It was a great time and I got to return the designated driver favor to Jackie, who wasn’t so much drunk as she was pleasantly buzzed. After Top Dog we hit a diner that I can’t quite recall the name of and then shot home. Two great nights in a row, who’da thunk it?

Sunday was the Lords day. The weather sucked, the Eagles played, Denise woke me up, I ate a Wawa hoagie, I drank a Lemonade Tea, I talked on the phone for a bit, pirated many softwares (Photoshop CS2, Windows Vista, Office 2007, among others) and ended up getting an old friends phone number. I decided to call and see what he’s been up to and how life has been treating him. He told me he just moved into a house with a couple guys from grade school / high school and invited me over to party. I’ve heard some crazy stories come from those guys, but I’m feeling like maybe that’s something I would like to do, so who knows?

Monday: Monday, ’nuff said.

I stopped up the Excel office today to see one of my favorite people. I brought her some pirated softwares as a peace offering (which makes us both nerds, I believe) and hung around for a few hours. Came back home, took a nap, and then talked to Jackie on the phone again until just a short while ago. I asked her something that, to me, felt a little overdue but was graciously accepted and returned in kind. I won’t go into too much detail, but let’s just say my status has changed. Woot!

I haven’t felt this way in a while… I was almost positive that I never would again. Reinforces the old “never say never” addage, I suppose…

I apologize for the cliched post title, but it’s quite literally the most accurate way to describe how I’m feeling right now. My judgement in recent past has been… clouded, to say the least, in many regards. My priorities were a little skewed, a little out of whack. I had a very enlightening conversation this evening with quite a few people and came to the conclusion that some things in my life that I thought I needed, that I thought were important to me, that I thought meant a lot to me were really just delusions from a past that has, well, passed.

I’ve decided to rededicate myself to learning, to seeing, and to doing. It’s like I was in a dream that I had no control over, but I’ve been jolted awake and God damn does it feel good. It’s a great relief just writing this, getting it all out. Why did it take so long for me to realize that I’m literally surrounded by truly great and wonderful people who want to be involved in my life and vice versa? I’ve been such an asshole for the past couple of months, but no longer. Naysayers be damned, Andrew is back.

“Haven’t felt the way, I feel today, in so long it’s hard for me to specify…”