Greater Satellites

For all of you born on February 29th, 1984…

Happy 7th Birthday!

My submission to The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks finally got posted! Check it out here: “Unofficial”

If you didn’t know, that site is one of my favorite things to check out in the morning before I start “work”.

My wake up schedule is something like this:

1. I have Alarm Clock (http://www.robbiehanson.com/alarmclock/) running on my iMac at all times so I can easily set up
   alerts and, of course, alarms.
2. At precisely 8:40 AM, my Alarm Goes off and plays my iPhone Playlist, which currently has around 900 songs from every frickin genre known to man.
3. I usually snooze in 10 minute intervals until 9:20, unless a song comes on that I particularly like and then I’ll lay there half awake, but still rockin out.

Today I heard a song that started off with some bells, drums, and a strumming guitar. It wasn’t the metal that makes me angry to wake up to, so I let it play out as I drifted in an out of slumber. Shortly thereafter I heard the line “Sodomy is such a part of you”, which violently woke me up.  How could something so blatantly homosexual be in my playlist? Using my hands to shield my back side, frightened and alone, I pulled the covers back up to my eyes.

I realized that the song was Disarm by the Smashing Pumpkins and when my mind actually kicked on, I recalled that the true lyrics are “Inside of me and such a part of you” (which still could also suggest sodomy, ironically). Regardless, the way he sings it REALLY sounds like sodomy.

I’ve removed that song from my wake up list and triumphantly yelled “No Homo!”.

~Fin~

Recently came across the site for the 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue (a sports magazine that even I enjoy) and found a hilarious crossover of humor and sex appeal in a shoot featuring Heidi Klum (rhymes with boom, if you didn’t know) and one of my personal favorites, Will Ferrell. These are promotional shots, I would assume, for his upcoming movie, Semi Pro, and are pretty damn funny. Heidi never seemed like a typical supermodel to me because you always see her smiling and having fun, unlike other super models who always come off as looking bitchy, catty, or otherwise pissed off.

The official website has a boatload of pictures (the body painting is especially hot this year) and a few brief articles. Can someone remind me again why I should buy the actual magazine?

[12:00] Jackie:“U.S. taxpayers would get checks of several hundred dollars from the government under a plan to stimulate the economy, sources said today. Sources on Capitol Hill and at the Treasury Department said negotiators agreed to cut checks for $600 per individual and $1,200 per couple.”
[12:00] Me: so… $600 per individual regardless
[12:01] Jackie: yea
[12:01] Jackie: lol
[12:01] Me: when do i get my check?
[12:02] Jackie: lol im about to read about this
[12:02] Jackie: that would stimulate my savings
[12:02] Me: that would stimulate my PS3 game collection
[12:02] Jackie: lol
[12:02] Jackie: ill stimulate you
[12:03] Me: i’ll stimulate you at the same time
[12:03] Me: stimutaneously, if you will

Check out her awesome blog, by the way, at http://her-new-obsession.com

Jackie and I were watching this video the other night and at the end I was just… Well.  I don’t think there’s a word that properly describes the state it left my mind in… I want to say baffled, I also want to say stupefied and dumbfounded, as well… Let’s just settle on dumbafflefied.

Does he even know what the hell he’s talking about anymore?